Thursday, November 26, 2009

Bila takbir bergema

Listening to takbir raya while preparing report that had to be presented to management next Monday and at the same time has to finalize HSEQ procedure for my new customer is so pathetic. As if I got nothing better to do. But that’s the fact I’m facing right now. Is my job so important that my whole life have to circle around it ? I clearly know that the answer is no but I just hate being a loser.

One of my boss said that I’m a perfectionist. I told him I’m not..but I am a person who hate losing. I always want to be the best. I just can’t take it if people take me as average..average means sama saja with other people, a regular person who will lost in an organization of thousands of people..i need to differentiate myself. And I’m a person who believe in performance and such thing as bodekking boss..just can’t do it.. i’m too honest and outspoken to do that, paling tepat too loudmouth. So loudmouth person memang tak akan jadi kaki bodek yang terer sebab if boss look ugly I akan cakap dia look ugly to bodek like that..

Dah terdivert cerita. I’m just plain sad listening to takbir raya. It’s been 3 years since I last celebrate Raya Qurban in Kelantan. In ’06, mom went to Mecca so we didn’t go back since my younger brother and sisters are staying with me at that time and last 2 years, I was in Dubai. Thought this year husband and I can go back to Kelantan but with our work commitment, not able to do that until tomorrow. After raya prayer baru balik Kelantan. When we made that decision, I was sort of OK with it but tonite for the first time I felt like crying while listening to the takbir. Being the eldest girl in the family, I always feel that it is my responsibility to go back home early to ensure all are OK, to ensure that my mom will not tiring herself cooking until she faint which has happened before..It’s not that I don’t trust my other siblings wud be able to handle things back at home, I just feel that I can do it better..typical me.

Anyway can’t wait to go home tomorrow. Happy Eid Mubarak to all friends and families and enemies and ex lover hahahaha

Back to my kiasu tengah tension sebab the chess team is forcing me to join the KKP again next year. Remember in my earlier post months back I told you that I jadi bidan terjun. Since my result in the tournament is not bad for a first timer yang dah more than 10years didn’t touch the chess set, they want me to be in the team again and this time the KPI is 7.5/8 which means I have to win 7 and draw 1..Despite my emails stated that I will be very busy next year since 2 of my newly secured project will kick start at that time, it fell into deaf ears. Itu la aku tak faham instead of finding solutions by carik replacement ker or train few other people yg dah ada, they simple refuse to listen to me. They didn’t understand that thinking about chess pun dah buat aku stress.. of course I can be better than average if I train myself but the problem is aku tak minat and it’s difficult to do things that I don’t like. Of course I can force myself but it will be stressful la .. my job dah stressful enough at ths moment I don’t need another stress. I think I better pakat with my client that by June next year, we have to go to Pennsylvania to have the pre-loading meeting and monitor the execution of the first loading..itu lagi best kan..

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Don't be dissapointed

I’ve told you that I was involved in something big at work kan. Finally the material was presented to the management committee Thursday. Outcome ? It’s a sad outcome. Despite all the hardwork put in by the team members, decision made against it. So finally, it’s going to happen.

I am actually relieved. Despite trying to be supportive of the initiative, I just didn’t see how it will work out. Been in the business long enough to know that with whatever people, process and system that we have now, it’s not enough to achieve what we want. Anyway it’s easy for me to say since my portion in the company remain intact and in fact expanding.

Thinking back, I have always made a right decision career wise in my whole life. Despite few failures and many lessons learnt, I am able to held my head high and say that I have achieved this and that. Would I be able to sustain what I have accomplish today ? God know.. but I always believe that as long as I work sincerely and with full integrity, the path will be a smooth one. I just have to remind myself often on my mom’s advise “ company bayar gaji and kita kena kerja as what they expect and give full commitment..kalu tak buat semua duit itu jadi duit haram..tak berkat”

Maunya tak takut fikir itu semua..just imagine makan duit haram whole life sebab malas kerja padahal integrity intact..better pegi makan least boleh jadi kayer senang-senang.